Explaining what doesn't need to be explained

Sunday, October 25, 2009 at 11:40pm

I dont know what Im looking for in life still. 

It doesn´t make me worry anyway. 

I believe the best has yet to come, since It has been coming the whole time. 

I’m not afraid of my feelings anymore. 

I've felt the worst and I've felt the best.

I've thought theres nothing fun 

But I've also felt days should have at least 45 hours.

I've been insecure and I've acted self confident

I've felt weak and I've reacted with maturity 

And still feel good because I made it myself

I've thought I shouldnt talk so much about myself because people could know more about me than I do

But then I actually dont give a shit and I still do it.

When I feel extreme happiness one day

I shouldnt wonder anymore why the next day I feel down

I love nature and I am very sensitive to it.

I still dont know why I react so terrified when I see a black and yellow circle, one inside another, since I can remember. 

I recognice my feelings but I cannot express them with words the whole time.

It gross me out to see dead insects or dead plants

If people had eyes 3 times bigger I'd probabbly avoid going out of my house. 

Most of my friends and family dont have a clue of the good things I see In them

eventhough all the rest know, but them.

Im not weak, but I like feeling loved

Sometimes I regret about what I did so much

That I dont say im sorry because my words will never explain how I feel

Sometimes I know Im doing something bad

I know It will come back to me

And still do it

I've cried just for the pleasure of doing it

I've also bited my lips to avoid crying when it has been the most impossible thing to do at the time.

I've had so strong emotions that for a while I've had problems with breathing

But all those things made me know Im fine now

And those things pass 

I know that all the feelings that I can have exist in the world

And Im allowed to have them

I've played to be silly just to avoid facing the truth

Thats my most used mask

And the funniest thing, is that people believe me

Maybe everybody does that, maybe not. 

I do not believe in God, I feel God. I think its not a believing issue. 

I think I've never felt completely alone in the world.

I like thinking impossible things, because maybe, at times, they dont seem impossible.

I've always been in love with the moon. 

There is something special about the moon that the sun doesnt have. 

I wish it comes the day when I will discover my true self and stop playing games of being someone else

Its because I love acting so much

I love to play to be someone else, made up by me. 

But where’s me?

I dont need to identify myself with my appereance and the things I do anymore.

Being tall is not me

Having always long hair is not me

Being funny sometimes can be me actually... because humor cant be acted

but there are many things that I think its me and its not. Because they can change

Im done for now, time to go to bed.