In 3 more weeks we are going to give another 360° Jump and start our new life in a van with Simon and baby Max, who will be 10 month old. We literally have zero plans, and it's scary, but according to my own mental statistics, there's not one adventure I've had that I haven't felt terrified before starting. Looking back, before going to work as a mountain guide for the first time in patagonia, having zero knowledge about it but all the passion in the world, I felt terrified inside but trying to remain calm and confident on the outside. It turned out great. Before going to live for a year in Canada, I was so nervous that I wanted to cancel the flight the same day that I had to leave. I think my defenses were low because of the stress and I caught a cold. By the way, I also made ZERO plans. I knew this made me nervous, the fact of not planning anything, but for some reason I was absolutely sure I didn't want to plan anything ahead. I just wanted to go and see. I had a ticket to Quebec city because I wanted to practice french, but even the same day of the departure I hadn't booked a hotel and I had to pack my bag. It ended up great. In 2 days I had found a room to rent in the best place I could have possibly wanted, and I had a job on day 14th.
Then a few months later, I was going to live in Australia. Again, the same story, super nervous (not so much this time thought), because it was slightly different to Canada. I usually traveled to small mountain villages during their winter, so it was a lot about ski and snow, but this time I decided to go for a beach town. So I started looking for places to live, and I couldn't believe that you had to pay per week, and prices that in Canada you would pay per month. So, I heard from someone that you could live in a tent, and I decided to just go with my tent, and not think about it. It turned out fantastic. At the beginning I panicked a little bit, unsure of what was happening. I had a couple days of strong showers (rains) and I just didn't know what was going on. I didn't feel safe. I thought I wanted to be teletransported back home immediately. Having the worse nights ever. I didn't even know where to put my tent, I chose below a tree because during the day it seemed like the best spot. At night the strong winds kept me all night awake praying for the tree not to snap over my tent and kill me. I ate chocolate inside my tent to feel a bit better, but then when I went out a mouse had come inside, made a hole in my tent and ate a bit of my chocolate. I had the other rest hahaha (who cares). After some weeks, this same scenario was the best thing ever. I just loved to be surrounded by animals, it was so natural to not leave food inside the tent, I just fixed the hole in the tent, put a cover over the tent for the shade, and life continued so well, that i actually ended up ADORING to live in a tent. I did it till the winter came. So, about 7 months. well, and after all, who would have said that I would have met Simon on the way and had a baby so soon?
Just as the examples above I've always been nervous before starting a new journey because I never know how its gonna turn up to be. It always ends up fine, and a lot of new experiences and things I learn that make me realize I can do anything really. So now, I feel a bit more calm, but also a bit nervous. Zero plans, just the minimum really. We subscribed to a house sitting webpage, but it turns out that there are not many places for the times we need... so... I take everything as a signal. Its about adapting, trusting, and just living, and trusting again, and being happy looking how much we've grown.
Anyway. Now I know myself a bit better as well. I know its not always sweet, but it's always worth it. I can't help it, I hate to say it but I like the challenge. When I'm going through a challenging moment I always want to get out of it, and I really dislike it, but it's what makes me grow, and what makes me even more whole. So, I don't know whats the purpose, but it is what comes naturally to me. And I do that, because it feels right, it feels like, being part of an arrow, or .... being part of a group of birds flying all together in the sky... like... rhythm, in tune,.... natural. I guess just natural.
